So goal number one is still in the works as of now. I dis overee
another thing about myself, and this comes into play regarding the
accomplishment of goals. I have become inactive. What I mean by that
is I have lost the initiative and energy that comes between deciding
to do something and doing it. Part of that is my smoking. I usually
use smoking as a segue to the "next" thing, whatever that is. Today it
has been laundry. Even though I was out of bed at 4:30 am, I will not
get to the laundromat until nine.
So, the goal then is to take action as a direct result of decision
making. That sounds so obvious but in reality it has been a problem
for me. It is now 9:02 am, and all the laundry is washing, so I did a
little better than expected, but still 1 hr and 45 minutes late.
So, as an ongoing practice, take action immediately after making a
decision. Obviously. Argh.
Okay, back to the action and the ideas that lead to action. My endless
list if goals… What is it accomplishing? Nothing. I can try to
accomplish things on that list, but the list does nothing. Rhetoric.
More specifically, my list is static, stagnant, ultimately useless. I
have no driving purpose behind the goals, I have assigned no deadlines
to each entry.
The driving purpose….
1) I will quit smoking
A) Because of the negative impacts it has had and is having on my life -
i) I am consumed by the desire to have nicotine, day and night
ii) I regulate (supress) my emotions by smoking
iii) I have a myriad of health issues caused by smoking; the general
ones associated with a regular smoker, and others that are more user
specific.
B) Because of the time and energy that will be available to me when I
am freed of this habit. Furthering that idea, – because of what I will
accomplish and enjoy with that time and energy.
C) Because I will save roughly $120.00 a month, $1,440.00 a year,
$14,400.00 over the next ten years. Furthering THAT idea, – the
savings earned here will help me reach my third goal, of making six
figure self employment income.
Okay, well thought out, pointed, explanatory. Now, the deadline.
I start quitting smoking tomorrow, April 24, 2009, and I will
continue, on a moment by moment basis, to quit for the rest of my
life. No more, "tomorrow I'll quit since I already had one today"
crap. If I break down and have one, I start quitting again the moment
I put it out.
Alright, that's only goal number one, but now it is solid, has
definition and form, few loopholes. I installed bars to grab a hold
of, now I only need to reach.
Ok. Working dayshift this week and it is really nice. That's about it
though. I have a couple of goals now.
1) Quit smoking
2) Go to the gym three times a week
3) Create self-employment bringing in over six figures
Although step three seems to be the hardest one, they are all equally
difficult, which is interesting.
So, to get started, I will need to have some pretty severe focus. Just
in starting this day shift week, I already feel better after having
been on day shift for one and a half days. Unfortunately, the day
shift also means I will have more trouble getting to the gym, but it
would be easier to accomplish the other two goals if I were to
continue to stay on day shift. That's not a reality or possibility at
this point, but we'll talk more on this later.
And why not, you know? She deserves to be happy.
I like how my decisions about what is important in my life are
reinforced by factors and thoughts in my life. I said the other day
that I needed to quit smoking, and that idea was reinforced during the
time between posts. Last time I quit smoking was about two years ago,
and I quit for about a year. During that year of quitting, I went
through two job changes, both of which moved me in a direction to get
me closer to my ultimate career goal, although neither job change
resulted in my career if choice. What I should say is that my current
job has put me in the best position yet to pay down debt and buy a
house. I don’t think that buying a house will solve any of my career
issues, but it is somehow related.
Also, the opportunity to work in the same stop gap job I worked last,
has come up as a morning possibility for this summer. Any money I make
there would be able to go directly to paying down debt and saving for
a house. That is exciting, but I also know that quitting smoking is
paramount to making the most of that opportunity.
The problem lies in going for one month without having any nicotine to
alter my moods or mask my discomfiture in my own skin. I am scared of
withdrawal mostly for those around me and how my insanity during that
time will be perceived by them. Getting to the point of being willing
to subject myself to that horror, willingly and with a steady gaze on
the light at the end of that tunnel, is my most immediate goal. I hope
it is realized within the month. I need it to be.
If I can give up my smoking addiction, I can focus my energies on the
things I really want to accomplish in my life. The first thing on that
list would be a career I love. In my thoughts on that subject I mainly
come up with an artistic lifestyle and career. That could mean
writing, painting and drawing, making music, or a combination of all
or some of those three main ideas.
The central block I have in those areas is a consistent and pervasive
inner voice that tells me I will be no good, or that says I should not
waste my time on such folly. Those creative endeavors however make me
feel whole while I am in the doing, and upon a bit of reflection.
So, I have currently decided that replacing my addiction to nicotine
with an addiction to creating will be a key to my success in
transitioning from an aimless smoker to a focused artist.
First the egg, and then the chicken. It is a matter of ordred steps in
this situation.
Getting ready to go to work here on a Sunday. It's no fun really; but
once I'm in and started the week gets off to a pretty quick start and
the next thing I know it is Thursday again.
The main issue of my life at this time is my mounting desire to
successfully quit smoking fir the third and final time in my 10 year
smoking career. I look forward to it as a change that will affect all
aspects of my life and I think it will do just that, to a greater or
slightly lesser degree than I imagine.
I saw an ad for a hypnotherapy group session at a local hotel, but
after running it past my wife, I still think that cold turkey will be
the best and only way for me.
That can mean I will be a miserable person to myself and those around
me, or if I time it just right, the first week may not be so bad.
Either way, it's something that must be done and completed by the end
of 2009. The sooner the better.
A quick sketch of a front porch pillar.
